My husband like to say that he loves and is supportive of me, but when it comes down to it I really wonder. He keeps piling up things on the weekends Then I struggle during the week to keep up with my coursework.
I find myself relapsing into old habits to get my own back. For example, I decided to move my personal account to a different bank to avoid the temptations that had me bound. Since I don't have time to make a special trip up to school to open the account, I took advantage of the online feature and applied online. When the letter came back saying I had to come into the office to do it, he opened it and flipped out thinking I resumed my old ways. Instead, I was making a serious attempt at reform.
What did I do? If you assume the worst about me, then I want to give you exactly what you expect, which I did. He found out today and is now not talking to me, because he is so angry. Did I do it? Yes. Was it all my fault? Yes and no.
I realize that he and I have serious problems about power in our relationship and want to work on them. He would rather pretend they don't exist hoping I can reform myself without his having to change.
I know I love and I want to stay married to him, but I am not sure he really wants to be married to me, imperfect as I am.
1 comment:
It takes two to tango, as you know, and I think you are smart to understand where your own faults lie, but he has to come to an understanding of where his faults lie as well. This has always been an issue with JC and I as well-- he'd never think he did anything wrong, and the fault always would fall on my shoulders. I found that sometimes I had to make it clear to him what exactly my perspective is/was in a situation, because he doesn't understand my mindset at the time, that there are extra factors that maybe is obvious to you, but not obvious to him. You have to break it down for these dumb boys sometimes. I understand how you feel when the hubby says one thing showing support, but then does another. I get that too. The two of you may have to give up some things that you did before, but not school or something like that. The house does not always have to be perfectly clean, and maybe some activities can be let go or put off. You don't live on a Navy ship where everything has to be in tip-top shape at a given moment. You live in a family home with your family, and sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day, and something has to give. In this case, your sanity is what's on the line, instead of something that's trivial that can be let go more easily. Both of you have to stop trying to be super Mom and super Dad, and just be John and Kathy and Cooper. None of you can be all things to all people, so stop trying. Those who try to be the absolute perfect people are the ones who crack and splinter. Just let go, even if it's just a mental adjustment, and you'll find that it'll make life a whole lot easier. That's what happened to me with my TBSAH business. I was trying so hard, and progress was going backwards instead of forwards, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown because of it. Once I made the conscious decision that it was not the end of the world if I didn't do well, life got a helluva lot easier. You all need to plan a mini vacation, like a weekend away somewhere where you do nothing but goof off. I think you all need it.
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