What's the matter here?

She was an unexpected surprise Friday night. A grieving child betrayed by the very people who were supposed to love and protect her sleeps in the room next door. She leaves in the morning, not to return home, but to another borrowed bed in another house, not a home. If I thought she could ever be ours, we would ask her to stay forever and show her what parental love is supposed to be. I know that it is not her case plan, so I have to let her go now before we allow ourselves to bond to her.

 

I am feeling such anger towards her parents and the system right now. They treat her like property when she is just a little girl with caramel curly hair and a lopsided smile. Wherever she goes, I hope the tooth fairy will find her.

 

Sweet dreams angel, not to be mine.

 

Yeah, that's me these days

Fashion Artist 37% Tastefulness, 70% Originality, 61% Deliberateness, 38% Sexiness

[Flamboyant Original Deliberate Prissy] To you fashion is not what they think up in Paris or New York. You follow only your instincts and taste and, admit it, they are far from conventional. Clothes are one of the methods of expressing your personality and being interesting is even more important than being attractive. You pay attention to compose such outfits that would express you best. You tend to shock and though many appreciate your style and originality not many follow in your footsteps. Perhaps your flamboyant outfits are partly meant to hide some of your insecurity but be that as it may, few pass you on the street without looking back. Good job. The opposite style from yours is Sporty Hottie [Tasteful Conventional Random Sexy]. All the categories: Fashion Enemy Bar Cruiser Kid Next Door Sex Bomb Hippie Kid Fashion Rebel Fashion Artist Catwalk God(ess) Librarian Sporty Hottie Office Master Uptown Girl/ Boy Brainy Student Movie Star Fashionista Glamorous Soul

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 5% on Tastefulness You scored higher than 94% on Originality You scored higher than 66% on Deliberateness You scored higher than 11% on Sexiness

Link: The Fashion Style Test written by mari-e on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Who am I?

I had a meeting with my favorite professor today to discuss the poetry had given to our class to workshop. I feel like it went horrible because I started treating him like he was my analyst, which is not his job. He was very nice, but I feel awful about it.

 He asked me who are my role models as poets. I wanted to say Sylvia Plath, but decided not to sound so trite and said Charles Bukowski.  He called me on it and  said that I should look toward Sylvia Plath and Rita Dove as my role models. He also told me that should develop a thicker skin towards having my work read, and the only way to do that is to send work out into the world and face rejection. I should embrace the difficult professors as way of learning about the craft and about why I am here.

He also asked me the question I hate. Do I see myself as a writer or as a poet? You can't say both, even if it is the truth. So I said poet, because writing poetry brings me joy and feeds my soul. Writing prose challenges me  and I feel the need to embrace challenge.

So, I am still trying to figure out who I am at 35. 

There are some pains that run so deep that they defy description. You can tell me not to take it personally, but it's my life, our life together that has been impacted. You lie to me  that you did your job, never thinking that I would double check. Now I am a writer at a loss for words for all the rage that has turned my insides to water. 

You have never met me or my husband. You have refused our requests to schedule an appointment, so we remain nothing more than another folder moldering on your desk. Yet, you hold our hopes, our hearts in your grubby hands. How do you sleep?