When I die, I hope my family follows my wishes right down to the music I have already chosen for my memorial service. For the first time, I will have a service with music that reflects me.
I want-" May the Circle Be Unbroken" and " The Water is Wide" in the service with the song I was named for as the recessional- " I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen." A song with which I have had an ambivalent relationship.
I have always liked my name, but knowing that the song is about a woman dying far from home and the dreams she left behind there. My life has been about not letting any dream die. From motherhood to being a writer, I have pursued it all with relentless passion. I want to be able to steal Edith Piaf's musical epitaph-
Non, Je ne regrette rien when I go.
My mother is having surgery again this coming week to replace her hip with Teflon, so mortality is very much on mind. She looks back on her life with the eye of missed opportunities and bitterness. I don't think she has ever been happy one day in her life even though she pretends in the interest of family harmony. Makes me wonder if she is already dead while she still breathes. To me that would be worse than dying at all.
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